A Suitable Case For Treatment

IS OUR Prime Minister bonkers?

One must never ridicule the touched, so be assured this question springs from the sincere concern that something has been misfiring behind those smart new glasses. The vulgar definition of madness is, of course, entirely subjective, one man’s stark-raving being another’s Christine Milne, so it can all get complicated and contentious very quickly. Like the Greens leader, roughly ten percent of the voting public believe fervently and fearfully that carbon goblins are the root of the world’s many ills, so practicality alone must broaden sanity’s definition. The world simply does not need that many new baskets, nor can the nation afford anywhere near enough calm, comforting institutions where Daily Life writers and the readers who love them can reach their full potential.

There are some behaviours, however, that embody mental illness beyond even a reverence for Bob Brown. In the PM’s case there are those chronic, incessant and transparent lies, which might strike some as the rattles of the odd loose screw. To other eyes, perfectly normal behaviour for a politician, and no reason whatsoever to suspect we have a loony in the Lodge. If she has failed as a fabulist, well hasn’t she failed at everything else to which she has turned those hands of thumbs?

See the problem? As this is a matter of national importance, expert opinion needed to be tapped. Fortunately, this was but a click or two away, thanks to the famous Mayo Clinic, where thefollowing boxes must be ticked before staff will break out the straightjacket and electric prod and wait by the entrance.

Each mental health condition has its own set of signs and symptoms. In general, however, professional help may be warranted if you or a loved one experiences

• Marked change in personality, eating or sleeping patterns
• Inability to cope with problems or daily activities
• Strange or grandiose ideas
• Excessive anxiety
• Prolonged depression or apathy
• Thinking or talking about suicide
• Substance abuse
• Extreme mood swings or excessive anger, hostility or violent behavior

Many people who have mental health conditions consider their signs and symptoms a normal part of life or avoid treatment out of shame or fear. If you're concerned about your mental health or a loved one's mental health, don't hesitate to seek advice. Consult your family doctor, make an appointment with a counselor or psychologist, or encourage your loved one to seek help. With appropriate support, you can identify mental health conditions and explore treatment options, such as medications or counseling.

Let us take each in turn:

Marked change in personality, eating or sleeping patterns: Can anyone doubt the PM evidences galvanic mood swings? Nice as can be with her mummy blogger pals, even to picking up the bill, the next day she is slashing away at the paltry stipends of single mums.

An eating disorder? Well, unless Tim waits until she sleeps before stuffing her unconscious craw with one of those crank-and-tube devices the Belgians use to force feed ducks, we can assume the hand on the fridge door has been hers alone.

A good night’s sleep? Impossible, what with having to keep one eye open lest Tim slip from the arms of his Venus to email a demand for free tickets and a corporate box for the Phillip Island Penguin Parade.

Inability to cope with problems or daily activities: Any doubters on this one?

Strange or grandiose ideas: Getting naked with Craig Emerson, how strange is that?

And what of the convictions that she can tamper with the global thermostat, stop thousands of illegal immigrants by shipping 800 to Malaysia, or most unhinged of all, produce a surplus by the odd expedient of spending more money?

Excessive anxiety: What will Tim do next?

Prolonged depression or apathy: Perhaps not. Loss of appetite is often associated with this condition, and there has been no evidence of that.

Thinking or talking about suicide: She has the date for September 14, only last week beating off an attempted intervention by Simon Crean.

Substance abuse: This explains the frequent appearances of that gremlin, Misogynist Tony, the sinister sprite only she can see.

Extreme mood swings or excessive anger, hostility or violent behaviour:

No doubt about that one.