So Sue, Craig, Sue

HOW TO winkle Craig Thomson out of Parliament and award Dobell’s voters an opportunity to replace him with an honourable man has been quite the problem, given that shame no longer works its leverage on our elected representatives. Now, perhaps, the brothel creeper himself has provided a solution: Accuse him of engaging the services of carnal consultants and he swears he will sue for defamation.

Like most things that pass this creature’s lips, his latest threat is bluff and nonsense. He had his opportunity to put such allegations to bed after slapping Fairfax with a writ – a case he chose to drop at the court’s door. While that premature withdrawal demonstrated at least one substantial difference between the law and prostitution, its greater gift can now be recognised as a reminder that (a) civil actions can be extraordinarily expensive and  (b) bankrupts are not permitted to remain in Parliament, not even on the crossbenches with the slimy likes of Peter Slipper, who is running up his own hefty legal bills.

Thomson says he will sue anyone and everyone who asserts he is a scoundrel given to rorting and rooting on union members’ tab. Good, that makes things easy: Let all decent people proclaim that Thomson is exactly as the evidence indicates, a piece of ambulatory filth and whoremonger of the first order.

But why stop there? If Thomson is to bring suit over the simple allegation that he has hired prostitutes, then there will be no additional peril in speculating about the sort of professional women he favours and their specialties. Coprophilia, bestiality, high colonic irrigation – accuse Thompson of passions for them all. Wear the charges on lapel pins, sticker them to your car, mail warnings to random shepherds that they will need to protect their flocks when Corriedale Craig is on the prowl.

It was only the self-interested generosity of Sussex Street’s schemers that covered Thomson’s last set of ruinous legal bills and saved him from being cast out of the House, but one would guess the labour movement’s largesse must nearing its limit. A few more allegations and those promised writs will see the Knock Shop Nabob reduced to penury in no time.

Then Dobell’s voters will finally get their chance to be done with scum once and for all.