CALLING all young people! Fancy a jaunt to Durban (South Africa’s nicest town), all expenses paid? Better hurry, because the United Nations Framework Convention on Climate Change has a number of seats available to wrinkle-free Australian observers at its next fret-a-fest. But only two weeks remain before the winners are announced, so extract the digit, kids, and get your applications in today.
Apologies for not having passed along news of this opportunity a little sooner, but the application to go junketeering has only just arrived in the Billabong’s letterbox. You can bet, however, that the Blueshirts from the Australian Youth Climate Coalition will have known about it for some time, and that their applications will be legion. If Australia’s taxpayers are going to send a bunch of smug little snots to the gathering, equity says they need to be balanced by the inclusion of at least a few intelligent, well-mannered ones.
Might be best, though, not to be too open and frank in dismissing the powwow as a pork-a-rama for the New Establishment. So tell ’em you lie awake at night worrying about our planet’s fever, that Al Gore is a prophet and Tim Flannery a courageous crusader for dry footings. That should get you on the shortlist.
And if you can also lay claim to an Indigenous bloodline (and who these days cannot?), that would be useful, too, especially if you can also cite that special compulsion to chant, shout down and interrupt.
Imagine the fun, kids, of cornering Anna Rose in a Hilton Hotel corridor and telling her she is full of it. The poor thing will be off her salmon for a week.
So get to it, kids. Climate justice for all – not just aerobics enthusiasts.
A FURTHER THOUGHT: If it proves too late to have your application accepted, bookmark the page and check it regularly. Our government runs a seemingly perpetual shuttle service for the acne afflicted, so there will be other opportunities to see the world on the taxpayer dollar.