A: Because, after readers encounter humourist Danny Katz's latest effort, they will be in need of a proper laugh.
Q: What will happen to Danny Katz as Fairfax fades further and faster?
A: Greg Hywood's management consultants will recommend fusing their columns into a single, compound, semi-literary entity. For example:
I was sitting at home watching the telly and fart-charging the cushions after dinner with renewable methane, I TELL YOU, when a family of asylum seekers moved into the garage.
Hey, why not! It's better digs that a SERCO tent and I don't understand them any better than my wife understands me. But they're handy to have around.
Conditioned by indifference and capitalism's racist disdain and justifiably wary of rapacious Jews like
our relativesmy mother-in-law, they needed a cheer-me-up. So I told them to prepare for the day when Palestine is free before reading them my latest column about circumcising turnips in the check-out line at Coles......
Q: What will you see in the Age just before the newspaper goes out of business for good?
A: A compound column by Danny Katz, Anthony Lowenstein and Martin Flanagan. For example:
What if, instead of locking boat people in Danny's garage, we found the courage to recognise that many are dark-skinned and therefore infused with the magic genes that make Aborigines wonderful football players and mystically atuned to the bare, red earth of their adopted homelands, at least until the Jews turn up and steal it.
But, hey, it's not about them, it's about MEEEEEE!
Well, you get the idea.