THIS BEING Christmas, many readers with small children will by now be wishing they had sold them at birth to a wholesale baby dealer, as Santa-besotted kiddies are perhaps the best argument for gay marriage and adoptions. Why should be it be breeders alone who must endure week upon week of little people with big voices demanding over and over to be told when Santa will be arriving and what he will be bringing them?
If Young Master Bunyip's childhood behaviour is an indicator, the racket stops only when the young 'uns are crunching on tree ornaments or, as was the case one distant year at the Billabong, being bitten by the dog, whose good nature did not extend to having its dinner interrupted by a candy cane stuffed rudely up the back passage. Even the former Mrs Bunyip sided with the dog on that one, although it was quickly back to form when the Professor informed the little fellow that he had placed himself firmly in the ranks of naughty boys who would not be finding any presents under the tree.
If Young Master Bunyip's childhood behaviour is an indicator, the racket stops only when the young 'uns are crunching on tree ornaments or, as was the case one distant year at the Billabong, being bitten by the dog, whose good nature did not extend to having its dinner interrupted by a candy cane stuffed rudely up the back passage. Even the former Mrs Bunyip sided with the dog on that one, although it was quickly back to form when the Professor informed the little fellow that he had placed himself firmly in the ranks of naughty boys who would not be finding any presents under the tree.
"You can't tell him that!" shrieked Mrs ex-Bunyip. "He knows he'll get presents regardless.'
And she was right, absolutely right. In this indulgent day and age, when act and consequence are no longer a matched pair, threatening a lump of coal in the stocking strikes fear in only the dimmest nippers.
But there is a solution. Rather than harping on the consequences of the wouldbe recipients' bad behaviour, silence the kiddies by telling them it is Santa who has been wicked and, unless they redeem his sins with their own exemplary conduct, he will not be allowed down the chimney. And just to drive home the point, show them this little clip of Santa being very naughty indeed.
Such parenting tactics may leave psychological damage, but spare not a thought for that. No child emerges from life's playpen without scars, so at least one of the injuries might as well be inflicted in the cause of a quiet and tranquil home.
