Friday, May 17, 2013

A poultry sum, taxpayers, for talent such as this

BEYOND Melbourne, where the silly things footballers do tend to be remembered for longer than their follies warrant, few will recall The Adventures of Little Boris, a short film that caused quite a stir in 2009.  Without wanting to be a spoiler for those keen to view the YouTube video, the plot follows the amorous progress of a rubber chicken as it woos, seduces and drives a van over a plump beauty from the freezer cabinet. While poorly shot, the film does have some redeeming social value, as Boris sets a fine example by wearing a condom throughout his every carnal encounter, albeit on his head.

Alas for North Melbourne’s pocket-camera auteurs, safe-sex advocacy did not save them from the wrath of those who take offence for a living. While Andrew Demetriou and the AFL’s other old women clucked and scolded and went to great pains to let everyone know they recognised the video as a metaphor for sporting society’s institutionalised oppression of women, the entire team was fined a five-figure sum and the cash donated to some noisy feminists. Hard though it is to credit, Age reporterette Samantha Lane won a major journalism award for her scoop, which sheds more light on major journalism awards than does the video on the sex lives of chooks, rubber or otherwise.

Four years on and one can only feel sorry for the poor Kangaroos and their emptied wallets. If only they had thought to persuade their critics that footballers are transgressive artists they might have split a very generous cheque from the Australia Council, which yesterday welcomed its new CEO, Tony Grybowski. Appointed by Minister Tony Burke, Grybowski would almost certainly have lauded Little Boris as a creation worthy of generous public support, for such is the conclusion to be drawn from the $38,000 awarded one year after the Little Boris outrage to Linda Dement, who will use it for the

“creative development of an audio-visual performance responding to live data capture from an all-girl roller derby game.”

No doubt it will make compelling viewing.

A professional arts administrator – did Raphael or Turner have one of those? – Grybowski was on the panel that approved Dement’s hand-out, so one assumes he thoroughly appreciates her oeuvre, which she is very keen to flash. Respectable readers should abandon this post right here, as the images below make Little Boris seem rather tame by comparison.

(A considerable amount of empty blog space now follows. This will allow the sensitive to depart before being confronted by the who and what their taxes are supporting.)

Porking not your bag? Well, what about an act of loving intimacy with a skinned rabbit and companion Coke bottle?

While citizens unversed in the modern aesthetic may not recognise high art when they see it, all will understand the meaning of this:

$75.3 million

That is extra funding awarded to the Australian Council in Wayne Swan’s latest act of ledger-demain.

Do you think Grybowski and pals can spend all that cash before September 14? If they are in the mood to try, the North Melbourne Football Club might overcome its former regrets and set to work on Boris The Sequel: Duck, Duck, Goose.

For those who cannot get enough of Ms Dement, her folio is here. Fun with Porky and Bugs is part of the pictorial sequence to be inspected by visiting her site and clicking on the image reproduced below.


  1. I knew nothing of this but don't follow football at all. The players involved were fined by the club so it wasn't done through the courts. More of a standover shakedown by the media.

    "Nice reputation you get here boys - shame if something were to happen to it ? Know what I mean ? "

    Shame they didn't tell the muggers to shove it but the damage is done now. Once you buckle to extortion you are the gift that keeps on giving.

    The Boris vid was pretty stupid but it was never intended as art and the taxpayer didn't get to pony up for it.

  2. Hard to comprehend what makes so called art It could be called disgusting but who am I to be disgusted ?... I read playboy and occasionally hustler. It could be called funny if one liked pictures of obese women with dead rabbits and coke bottles. Alas for me it is a combination of both sick and bewilderingly stupid to even come up with the concept. The worst thing of course someone Ok"d to pay for it. Worse still for the poor rabbit. Will the animal rights group speak up here?? surly a joke.

  3. Cripes, is that art? I had trouble last week getting my head around a ten titted tortise floating over the limestone plains as "art" (Link:

    Will Ms. Demented's roller-derby video include skinned rabbits and coke bottles? I must ask the Australia Council if they would offer financial assistance to a video project I have in mind; a video of an old bloke pushing his lawn mower up and down his lawn.

    This project I have in mind won't involve any cruelty to animals, nor endorse any soft drink manufacturer. Is it worth a try?

  4. Best shit I've seen in ages. Wow. Awesome. Totally Awesome.

    I just hope the next budget includes a skinned rabbit for us all. Again, this shit is awesome.

  5. As Alistair Kershaw famously remarked to Geoffery Dutton, who accused him of having no eye for art, when explaining to him that he had declined a gift of a work from their mutual friend Sid Nolan:
    "I may not have any eye for art but I have an unerring nose for shit"

    Mind you after Sid became famous and his works became rather pricey he did regret his decision.

    Old Rooster

  6. Apparently Art was unavailable for the photoshoot.


  7. That's art?
    But then, I asked the same about Piss Christ too. I'm obviously a complete ignoramus on the subject.

  8. Elizabeth (Lizzie) B.May 19, 2013 at 8:32 AM

    Poor little bunnies. First one is boiled to buggery in 'Fatal Attraction'. Now this. As if 'Watership Down' wasn't bad enough for Bunny Pride. Where is that bunny stalwart Peter Rabbit when you need him?

    Run, rabbit, run rabbit, run, run, run. The Artists are gunning for you now.

  9. "An all-girl roller derby game" is redundant unless the refs and the callers are also girls. As a rule derby is females only.

    (Yes, I've been to a bout or two - I've got friends who are derby girls.)

    What a total waste of money.