Vodaf***ked II

THE Professor brought the meat so the Rufous Bird could demonstrate her range last night, when the corkscrew was also put to good use. The consequence this morning has been a late and head-sore start, which would have been even later if not for Double Bogey Daddy’s call to inquire why a tardy Bunyip was not on the first tee, as promised. Apologies were mumbled, the foursome became a threesome and the quest for restored wellbeing, which began on a hopeful note with a double dose of Berocca, soon took a bleak turn when the computer was fired up.

What is this? Yet another note from Vodafone, the latest in an ongoing series of monthly demands for payment of oversize and incorrect bills. Get on the phone. Wait. Waste 20 minutes attempting to make sense of what some thickly accented wretch in Bangalore is saying. This incoherence prompts a demand to speak with her supervisor, whose accent is even thicker. No, he swears, this is the plan Bunyip Sahib is on – a line he refuses to abandon even after being quoted the contract number. As to Vodafone’s appalling service, the dropped calls,  stalled emails and digitised gibberish which so often interrupts conversations, the supervisor’s suggested solution is that the Professor switch to an even more expensive plan.

At the very point when Australia’s reputation amongst Indians for harsh words, anger and intolerance was about to be considerably expanded, the line went dead. Stone cold, motherless dead.

It was then that Vodafone’s evil genius became apparent: The mobile phone company deliberately refuses to improve its service in order to foil anyone who uses it to contact the billing department. It can be the only explanation for the company’s policy of elevating incompetence to a virtue.

It used to be Telstra which brought the world to the Professor’s ear. After today’s episode, at least the sixth exercise in frustration, it soon will be again

If none of the above is enough to dissuade potential customers from signing up with Vodafone, consider another of the company's idiocies: It supports the Australian Youth Climate Coalition.

      

Vodaf***ed

THE contract with the Billabong’s mobile phone provider expired at the start of the year and, for reasons that now seem entirely ill-considered, the business was switched to Vodafone. The consequence has been a standard of service that might have passed muster in, oh, 1998-or-so, but is sadly lacking by today’s norms. Calls drop out in mid-sentence (if they can be placed at all), web browsing is slower than Wayne Swan and customer service is of the Subcontinental variety, so heavily accented as to be unintelligible. Six weeks have passed, for example, since a lady in Bangalore (or some such other remote location) promised to straighten out an incorrect bill. While she has not called back as promised, Vodafone’s collectors have continued to send dunning notes. If you are thinking of signing with Vodafone, don’t. A wet blanket and a smoky fire will do the job just as competently and at a lower cost in aggravation.

Poor service and a call centre operated from a sheltered workshop are two good reasons to spurn Vodafone.  There is also another.

While Vodafone could and should be putting every available cent into fixes and improvements, it has decided to invest in the Australian Youth Climate Coalition, which boasts of the sponsorship in its 2010 annual report (see page 28).

On page 29 of the same report, other sponsors are listed, including NAB, the Ten network (wait until Andrew Bolt hears about this!) and, improbable but true, the US Government. Why American taxpayers would wish to support a posse of adolescent attention-seekers in another country is a matter a congressman might like to raise, especially with Washingtom poised to shut down for lack of funds.

But let us go easy on America. The hegemon could drown little brown babies in Agent Orange and it would still be not half so annoying as Vodafone.