"Normal Ethical Flexibility"

FROM today's AFR:

While Mr Thomson may have been in technical breach of some of the union rules, it is expected he will argue he was acting within the normal ethical flexibility given to officials, and that the same practices occurred in every other union.

OK, grant the Brothel Creeper a little slack and accept for the sake of argument that billing your members for a ready supply of mattress testers is no worse than a "technical breach" and where does that leave us? Still with ample grounds for a Royal Commission to examine that "normal ethical flexibility" which prevails in "every other union".

So Sue, Craig, Sue

HOW TO winkle Craig Thomson out of Parliament and award Dobell’s voters an opportunity to replace him with an honourable man has been quite the problem, given that shame no longer works its leverage on our elected representatives. Now, perhaps, the brothel creeper himself has provided a solution: Accuse him of engaging the services of carnal consultants and he swears he will sue for defamation.

Like most things that pass this creature’s lips, his latest threat is bluff and nonsense. He had his opportunity to put such allegations to bed after slapping Fairfax with a writ – a case he chose to drop at the court’s door. While that premature withdrawal demonstrated at least one substantial difference between the law and prostitution, its greater gift can now be recognised as a reminder that (a) civil actions can be extraordinarily expensive and  (b) bankrupts are not permitted to remain in Parliament, not even on the crossbenches with the slimy likes of Peter Slipper, who is running up his own hefty legal bills.

Thomson says he will sue anyone and everyone who asserts he is a scoundrel given to rorting and rooting on union members’ tab. Good, that makes things easy: Let all decent people proclaim that Thomson is exactly as the evidence indicates, a piece of ambulatory filth and whoremonger of the first order.

But why stop there? If Thomson is to bring suit over the simple allegation that he has hired prostitutes, then there will be no additional peril in speculating about the sort of professional women he favours and their specialties. Coprophilia, bestiality, high colonic irrigation – accuse Thompson of passions for them all. Wear the charges on lapel pins, sticker them to your car, mail warnings to random shepherds that they will need to protect their flocks when Corriedale Craig is on the prowl.

It was only the self-interested generosity of Sussex Street’s schemers that covered Thomson’s last set of ruinous legal bills and saved him from being cast out of the House, but one would guess the labour movement’s largesse must nearing its limit. A few more allegations and those promised writs will see the Knock Shop Nabob reduced to penury in no time.

Then Dobell’s voters will finally get their chance to be done with scum once and for all.

Don't Mention the Whore

HEY, you luvvies at Fairfax and the ABC, better crank up that racket about Alan Jones another notch (or revive Abbott The Wall Puncher, the previous week's theme, which has gone off the boil a bit).

HSU sleazebag Mike Williamson has just been arrested and, if you don't sustain the din, there is a possibility the public might enjoy a moment's peace to consider the matter of the brothel-creeping Craig Thomson and our Prime Minister's reliance on his vote, not to mention her own immersion in union corruption.

Yeah, quick, whack on (and off) about Jones. As quality journalists, you know it is the right thing to do.

A FURTHER THOUGHT: As Williamson's daughter worked until recently in the office of the Prime Minister, it can be taken for granted that he is an intimate of Gillard, who has quite possibly added his notch to her bedpost, beside those of Craig and Bruce. As a married man, she must have found him irresistible.

AND A CLARIFICATION: The "whore" in the headline refers to Williamson, not Gillard, who is not known to have accepted money for sleeping with other women's husbands.

Bathroom renovations, a new fence maybe, but not cash on the dresser.

Tumescent Thomson's Terrible Tummy Troubles

CORRODED BY CYNICISM and poisoned by suspicion, Manager of Opposition Business Christopher Pyne is muttering about denying a parliamentary pair to poor Craig Thomson, whose absence on medical grounds from the House last week was initially attributed to appendicitis. When doctors found that not to be the case and sent him home from hospital, Pyne apparently began to suspect that Thomson might be making himself scarce in order to avoid being anywhere near questions about his own and his HSU mates’ abuse of union funds. Thomson remains ill, according to his party, and would prefer to spend another week in undisturbed privacy as teams of physicians continue their battle to diagnose the brothel creeper’s mysterious ailment. Now Pyne is talking of demanding a doctor’s note before extending the pair arrangement for another week.

How sad it has come to this. How terrible that trust is now such a rare commodity in our national assembly. 

There is a perfectly sound explanation for Thomson’s crippling illness.

Trans Actions or Hetero Doxies?

MIRANDA DEVINE has Craig Thomson's itemised expenses, which make fascinating reading:

It should be noted that Thomson insists he could not have racked up those charges because he was often elsewhere when they were billed to his union's members. The auditors remain dubious, however:

"We are not satisfied that the mere fact that a service was recorded on the cardholder statement on a date when Thomson was not in New South Wales is conclusive proof that the service was not incurred by him, having regard to the not uncommon practice of credit card transactions being processed on days following the provision of the service to which the transaction relates and the possibility that the payments may have been made remotely."

Does one need to be terminally suspicious to see a possible explanation for ex-wife Crista's apparent determination to accompany her hubby on as many of his trips as possible?

A Stench That Grows And Lingers

THE WAYS of Labor politicians really are a mystery. There is Mark Arbib, sitting pretty and looking very secure. Julia Gillard, the golem he helped install in The Lodge, has just put down Kevin Rudd's challenge and, at least for the moment, there is the prospect of relative tranquility. Even better, as Minister for Sports -- a very comfy portfolio, one would imagine -- Arbib has tickets and reservations in hand for London and the upcoming Olympics' fun and games.

Yet yesterday, at the ripe age of 40, he throws it all in and quits,  offering no better explanation than a desire to spend more time with his family. What gives? Eventually, the rest of the quality press may follow Kate McClymont's lead and take a hard look at the web of connections and intrigue which has been Arbib's turf since his days in nappies, when his first words may well have been "sweetheart deals".

In the meantime, as the quality press rejoices in clear air, energetic blogger  Kangaroo Court is wondering if a certain police investigation of Craig Thomson and the HSU cesspit might have prompted Arbib's decision to spend more time with nippers on knee. Kangaroo Court makes the following observations:

1. Mark Arbib has been living in Canberra with Alexandra Williamson,  the daughter of the HSU President Michael Williamson, who is being investigated by the police. Ms Williamson is a staffer in the office of the Prime Minister Julia Gillard. I have to wonder why she has not resigned or why Gillard has not gotten rid of her, maybe Mr Arbib has had something to do with that?

2. Mark Arbib helped negotiate the NSW ALP paying for Craig Thomson’s legal bill.

3. Mark Arbib has some serious questions to answer in relation to the unit he bought in Maroubra. It is very strange indeed. Like what price did he pay and was he given a discount?

4. If Craig did steal from the HSU (which everyone in the country knows he did), could the legal fees paid by the NSW ALP be seen as an attempt to conceal a crime? Definitely worth a close look by the police.

5. We all know that FWA has been deliberately delaying their investigation into Craig Thomson. Given that it is ex-union officials at FWA doing the investigation, has Mark Arbib used his union contacts to help delay the investigation on behalf of his mates Craig Thomson and Michael Williamson?

Good questions. Wouldn't it be nice if McClymont's sleuthing  were to be boosted by the inquiries of fellow senior reporters?

Another Bogus Signature

WHEN reader The Dishourable Schoolboy sent along the picture below, pulses raced at the Billabong. Could this be the missing link, the evidence to establish beyond doubt what Craig Thomson was really up to when credit card records suggest he whipped out his purse and wad? Thompson, remember, claims a sly impersonator appropriated his wallet, signature and driver's licence and replaced them before dawn. The impersonator did this a number of times in several different cities.

The clue was not obvious at first, but get up close, stare hard and the naked eye will just make it out.

For those who do not eat their carrots, a little help:

At the point of dashing off a note to thank the Schoolboy for the many years of effort he has put into monitoring photographs like this one, doubt's whisper said it would be best to do some checking. Just as well, too.  It turns out the Member for Midnight has a shutterbug namesake in Canada in the United States, so it could not have been our very own Craig Thomson who steamed up the lens.

Pity. Now we will all have to wait. The mystery of Thomson's rambles will be revealed sooner or later, with any luck in no more than a year or three.

Not His Usual 'Around The World'

HERE's a special Yuletide number for Craig Thomson. A little premature for this festive season, unfortunately, but a very solid possibility for the next.

If Craig likes the tune, he can always claim to have written it himself. Mind you, Tommo the Tumescent still has some friends, especially at their ABC, where the national broadcaster's crack political analysts uncorked Mungo McCallum to explain how the globe-girdling Brothel Creeper's plagiarism is no big deal because, yep, at least one unnamed member of the Howard government was worse.

As if ABC listeners didn't know that already.

Sophie Mirabella = Craig Thomson!

EN ROUTE to the golf club this morning, thoughts of putting the new Callaway driver to good use were pushed aside by the sudden, urgent need to find the brake pedal, pull over and try not to throw up. It was Jon Faine’s ABC radio show that did it, more particularly his quite astonishing conversation with Age investigative reporter Michael Bachelard, who has two stories in this morning’s paper about Sophie Mirabella, her former relationship with a much older man and his estranged children’s apparent suspicion that the Liberal MP alienated their father’s affections in order to plunder his estate.

The story itself is dubious enough. Even by Bachelard’s account, Mirabella had long-standing (and horizontal) ties with former law professor Colin Howard. She appears to have looked after him during his decline into dementia, and he seems to have been genuinely fond of her, even after their relationship foundered and she married another. The kids are complaining that he gave Mirabella money to win her seat and, later, to help her buy a Wangaratta home. They also believe her to be the sole beneficiary of his estate, said to be worth around $1 million.

There is no point in recapping the details at greater length. They are available here and here. What needs to be mentioned – and borne in mind by anyone tempted to purchase another copy of the Age as produced by its current staff and management – is Bachelard’s rationale for the public’s “right” to know of some very nasty family business. A trained reporter would have taken down the quote verbatim, but here is an amateur’s rendering as scratched on the back of a scorecard with the stub of a blunt pencil. Remember, what follows is not verbatim, but it certainly captures the gist of Bachelard’s justification for dragging the feud into print:

FAINE: How do you justify this intrusion? 

BACHELARD: Well, if Craig Thomson can be investigated for using union credit cards to hire prostitutes, Mirabella’s relationship with Howard and what his children are saying is fair game.

Again, that is a paraphrase. If the transcript is published on the ABC site, it will be added to this post. In the meantime, though, consider the tortured logic The Age applies to its selection of worthy stories: Craig The Brothel Creeper, is copping flak, therefore it is fair and just to give a bit of the same to a Liberal.

Amazing.

Dead Woman Waddling

EVERY day in every way, our PM sinks deeper and deeper.

And it just keeps getting better.

No candidates for MENSA in her office, where Gillard's Boy Friday cannot even do a little intelligence gathering without getting his boss in hot water.

If you have kids over 18 and they are reasonably sensible, get them enrolled ASAP. There is an election coming, no doubt about it..

Try These, Thommo

POOR Craig Thomson. All the easy excuses have been tried and found wanting, so what does the Member for Dobell do now? Here are a few suggestions that have worked, or almost worked, for others:

Everyone lies about sex.

This line helped keep Bill Clinton in office and is guaranteed to earn him the support of Anne Summers, Eva Cox and other members of the Carping Crones Collective. Summers, who once admitted being moved to tears of joy by the sound of Bill Clinton’s voice, might even re-work her book, Damned Whores And God’s Police.

New title: Rammed Whores and Craig’s Codpiece.

Emotional pressure.

Driven to distraction by visions of climate change’s impact on hospital orderlies, poor Craig sought comfort with a wholesaler of horizontalism. The remedy brought relief, but the symptoms worsened when the MP’s girlfriend reported herself pregnant, obliging Thomson to step up his self-medication until prescriptive costs were running at @2475 a night.

If Tony Abbott was not bent on demonizing victims of mental illness, adequate sums would be available to treat such blameless victims. Peter Hartcher, Shaun Carney, Michelle Grattan and many other pundits will find this argument compelling and repeat it with much conviction.

Blatant discrimination I.

Thomson will admit to signing knock shop credit card slips, but explain that he suffers from freshly diagnosed schizophrenia and blame Bad Craig. Mike Carlton will find this honesty refreshing and ridicule Abbott for wishing to starve mental health services of funds while simultaneously villifying a fine example of efficiency in government. Why, he will wonder, should Dobell’s voters be denied the benefits of two representatives for the price of one?

Blatant discrimination II

It will emerge that Thomson is of formerly unrecognized Indigenous descent. This will do nothing to explain his actions, but it will stop Andrew Bolt writing anything more about the case. 

An honest mistake 

Driving through Sydney’s CBD late one night, Thomson spied a nurse in obvious distress, apparently lost and wearing a uniform three sizes too small. Concerned for the welfare of a HSU member, he followed her to an alternative medicine centre, where she complained that her employer’s inadequate work-clothes allowance obliged her to initiate many sessions of tantric therapy in the all-together. Disgusted at the boss’ greed, Thomson whipped out the plastic and bought $2475 worth of new uniforms for all the establishment's workers.

There may be other stratagems to get the Member for Dobell’s career off the rocks (as opposed to getting his rocks off), but this little list will do for the moment. Further suggestions will be welcomed in comments.

UPDATE: They're putting the Thomson matter in perspective at Menzies House:

Thommo's Two Up

IT CAN often seem that the Great Bunyip, who has quite the sense of humour, played His greatest joke on poor, horny humanity. Some species have it easy – wriggle under a bit of wet bark, address yourself as “Mother” and emerge sometime later as a throng intent on nibbling the Billabong’s roses. Mankind isn’t so lucky. While it is almost inevitable that roses also will figure at some point in humanity’s reproductive process, as may flash dinners and baubles in baby blue boxes from a well known Collins Street emporium, it is the sheer cost of our oviparous urge that sets us apart from all other species. A tasty feed and a night at the flicks, followed by coffees with little Italian poofter biscuits going soggy in the saucer and an evening’s overture to amour can quite easily generate a $200 bill. Of all Creation, when it comes to mating, only the poor salmon is more royally screwed.

That said, and even allowing for a couple of choctops, it is hard to imagine any dalliance generating an overhead of $2475, which is one of the sums our PM’s very special friend Craig Thomson is said to have spent on a single night’s entertainment. Even if the bill included parking and lots of licorice allsorts, that remains such a significant sum it strains belief. Or did until friend of the Billabong, Bob On The Murray, sent a link to a promotional video for Room Service Escorts, whose customer service rep collected Thomson’s signature, credit card impression and licence number.

One possible explanation comes at the 2:13 mark, where the energetic fellow in the blue suit appears to have drawn inspiration from parliamentary protocol and granted himself a pair. Buying in bulk can be a nifty way to make dollars go further, but not always.

Surprisingly, while the video offers naughty secretaries, naughty receptionists and other naughty occupations, there are no naughty nurses – something you might have thought the naughty head of a hospital workers’ union would insist upon, especially as his members were footing the bill.

UPDATE: If things go badly for the beleaguered MP, this company might be just the place  to begin a fresh career. It would certainly be more peaceful than the union he left behind:

For another HSU home movie, consult Andrew Bolt and scroll to the end of his post.

The Man On Whom Gillard Depends

VIA 2GB's Ray Hadley, more on brothel creeper Craig Thomson, his spittle-fest at Mingara Social Club and, on another front, a Labor MP bares the real reason Gillard's crew is keen to further regulate pokies.

Hear here

UPDATE: Those interested in staying up to date on the Thomson matter might want to keep an eye on #hookergate. Lots of tweets and some interesting links.

Ssssshhh! Don't Mention The Whore

UNCOMFORTABLE, that is how quite a few senior Fairfax journalists and editors must be feeling just at the moment. No, not because of the stock price. That would be a bit of a worry, but as private enterprise and the profit motive have always been mysteries to the folk who presume to lecture others about the need for higher taxes, not much of one. The absence of fair trade coffee in The Phage cafeteria? That would be a matter of the gravest concern, but it isn’t what really must be gnawing at the likes of Michelle Grattan, Peter Hartcher and Michael Gordon, whose shared dilemma is whether or not to fully report a story that could well demolish their PM and her government.

They have easy access to all the details, as their company lawyers know all the facts, and somewhere deep inside that collective Fairfax consciousness there must be a vestigal voice urging that trio and others to make amends, to sit down at the keyboard and tap it all out. That’s what journalists are supposed to do, right? Watergate, the Murdoch hacking scandal – they were stories where dogged reporters spoke truth to power, or so pop mythology insists. So far, however, the Fairfax crew has resisted the urge to commit anything on this matter to print, despite the ease with which one of their number might craft a front-page scoop. Perhaps they are too busy celebrating Gillard’s newfound “traction” courtesy of a meagre 4% bounce in the polls.

The story that could change a government is, of course, the ongoing misadventures of Craig Thomson, whose amorous antics with prostitutes and union funds have the potential to prompt a by-election. Since Thomson holds the seat of  Dobell by less than 5 points he is as good as gone, likewise the shambolic government  of which he is member.

Fairfax could hasten that process with a simple story explaining why Thomson's account of the libel case he filed against the news organisation is at odds with their own version of events.

According to Fairfax, Cameron dropped his action days before it was due to go before a judge. According to Cameron he did so only after a settlement was reached. He has repeated that claim on numerous occasions over the past two months and not once has a Fairfax voice disputed assertions like this: “Over a month ago I reached a confidential agreement with Fairfax. This was reported in the press and the agreement filed in court as a settlement of my matters and again the legal matters where withdrawn. As with the HSU settlement I was very happy with the outcome.”

If Fairfax’s political correspondents were not posturing apologists for Gillard, one would by now have penned a story saying that Cameron is no less fast and loose with the truth about that aborted libel action than with his marriage vows. If there was a settlement, surely it cannot have been more than one party’s agreement to withdraw in return for the other’s pledge not to laugh too loudly.

But Fairfax is apparently holding its tongue while Cameron leads his constituents to believe that he has achieved some sort of vindication at Fairfax’s expense.

What sort of a company allows its good name to be thus sullied? A craven and cowardly one offering fealty to a appalling government, not to the truth.

UPDATE: Radio station 2UE interviews a forensic document examiner who says in not so many words that Thomson is a liar.  Thanks to Catallaxy for the link. There is more on Thomson here. 

NOTE: Typo fixed re., "Cameron". which should have been "Thomson".

Pokies And The Pokey-Pokey Man

PERHAPS Craig Thomson is in the grip of musth, now that his union-issued credit card is no longer available to underwrite sessions with carnal consultants. Or maybe the member for Dobell is just a belligerent fool. Either way, the great hope here at the Billabong is that someone who attended the weekend’s public at the Mingara Sporting Club will post the video of what is being reported as the Member for Dobell's spit-flecked verbal assault on Salvation Army doer of good deeds Louise Duff.

Thomson, whose first words as a infant may well have been “It wasn’t me, Mum”, has denied the charge, and Ms Duff tells News.com.au that she wishes to speak no more about it, having accepted an apology of sorts.

That said, it would be very easy to understand how a testosterone-poisoned twit might go off the deep end, given the hard time he and Labor colleague Deb O’Neill endured at the hands of the Mingara crowd. The video of O’Neill’s contribution to democratic debate can be found above.

In the video above, listen closely at about the 24-second mark to the heckler who suggests that Thomson might want to hand out “little red books to us all”. Also note the derisive cheers that follow.

Thomson is in for a whipping, this time one he will not have to pay for. 

Put To Bed? Not Quite -- Part II

NO SOONER had the previous post gone up than the indefatigable Andrew Landeryou posted a Thomson email in which the Member for Dobell once again accuses Fairfax of spreading lies about him and, once again, enlists learned friends to restore his tarnished honour.

Fairfax says the defamation action was "withdrawn". Thomson says it was "settled" a month ago and he is "very happy" with the result.

Here is Thomson's letter as it appears at VexNews:

From: Thomson, Craig (MP)
Sent: Wednesday, June 08, 2011 12:39 PM
To: Thomson, Craig (MP)
Subject: Fairfax v Thomson 
Dear Colleagues
I am writing to you as you may have seen reports in the Fairfax press regarding my defamation action. The article was totally inaccurate and wrong. The facts are as follows:
1. I took defamation action against the Health Services Union and separate action against Fairfax;
2. The HSU settled on a confidential basis with me some six months ago. Whilst it was a confidential settlement it was one that I was very happy with and as a consequence withdrew my legal action;
3. Over a month ago I reached a confidential agreement with Fairfax. This was reported in the press and the agreement filed in court as a settlement of my matters and again the legal matters where withdrawn. As with the HSU settlement I was very happy with the outcome.
4. An AEC investigation cleared me of the allegations raised by Fairfax regarding electoral spending
5. I have always strenuously denied the allegations made against me and I continue to do so.
It is clear that Fairfax have both defamed me again and breached and misrepresented a confidential deed that settled the matter between me and Fairfax. I have now been referred this matter again to my lawyers.
I thank you for your continued support in this matter and hope this corrects the grossly inaccurate and misleading reporting in the Fairfax media.
Yours faithfully
Craig Thomson

Somewhere, either at Fairfax World Headquarters or in an electorate office on the Central Coast, someone is:

(a) lying
(b) a great disappointment to Mum
(c) drinking the bong water
(d) unfit to remain in current employment

Put To Bed? Not Quite

LIFE’S mysteries come large and small, some mere curiosities (Does Tim* Mathieson iron our PM’s underpants or vice versa? If the former, is the taxpayer being billed for the rental of a sailmaker’s loft?) while others prompt far deeper furrows in the brow. The matter of Craig Thomson, his alleged use of carnal consultants and the union credit card which purportedly paid for those encounters is very much in the latter category.

As keen followers of current events would be aware, the ALP member for the seat of Dobell was accused of underwriting amorous encounters with funds provided by members of the Health Services Union, of which he served until his ascension to Parliament as national secretary. The Fairfax press reported on Monday that Thomson had “dropped” his defamation suit, a term normally taken to mean a plaintiff has abandoned all hope of prevailing in court.

At the ABC, however, and in Thomson’s local rag (see page 16), the case is said to have been resolved with “a settlement”, which strongly implies money changing hands or, at the very least, a public apology.

“The terms of the settlement are confidential, and I will not be commenting further on the matter. I always denied the claims made against me and I am pleased that confidential settlements of my matters have occurred,” he told the Central Coast Express.

So which is it? Has Thomson thrown in the towel, which might be taken as a recognition his case was doomed, or has Fairfax come up with the cash?

There has certainly been no public apology, so this is quite the riddle – a riddle quite a few of Thomson’s constituents might like to see resolved before next casting their ballots. 

CURIOUS AND CURIOUSER: In his statement to the local paper, Thomson is quoted as saying, “These settlements along with the clearing of allegations against me in the Australian Electoral Commission investigation should be the end of the matter.”

Now a reasonable person might read that sentence and conclude the AEC had examined and rejected allegations of Thomson’s enthusiasm for commercial groin bumping, but such is not the case. The matter to which he refers actually concerns a complaint, filed by a Liberal MP, that a local publication, the Coastal Voice, was a Thomson-controlled front for spruiking his and the ALP's good works on behalf of the electorate and its citizens. The AEC rejected the complaint, noting 

The document provided entitled "Coastal Voice – Your Central Coast Community Group" contains no material or other information that would indicate that its aims and resultant activities are directly linked to benefit any political party. The fact that the then President of Coastal Voice in 2006 was Mr Craig Thomson does not change this position. The December 2006 newsletter that was also provided refers to a range of health and dental care issues being pursued by Coastal Voice and the then union campaign against WorkChoices. This publication does not show any direct linkage or support of the ALP by Coastal Voice.

There is only one reference on the AEC site to the matter of hot and cold running girls and it is this, also from the above finding: 

The media reports from the Sydney Morning Herald do not contain any facts or admissible evidence that could be considered by the AEC. This is particularly the case given the legal proceedings in the Supreme Court of NSW in the matter of Craig Thomson v Fairfax Media Publications Pty Ltd (Matter No. 2010/00056481) which the AEC understands to involve defamation proceedings in relation to the various media reports published by this company.

Anything involving, or having been alleged to involve, hookers and politicians is going to excite a good deal of interest, but in this case prurience is the lesser fascination. Of greater import is the margin by which Thomson holds Dobell. The Silly asserts the seat is “marginal”, which isn’t true, because last year-s two-party-preferred result gave Thomson vctory by a 10% margin.

But consider the Gillard government’s paper-thin control of the House and its abysmal poll ratings. Ponder also what might happen if, say, Thomson were to resign in order to spend more time with his family (or whoever). Given that by-elections are notorious for damning governments and the distinct possibility that Dobell’s voters would honour that norm, could that be the reason why the defamation action has been, ahem, “settled” just three weeks before the case was set to go before a judge? 

(*originally published as "Craig Mathieson" but changed to "Tim" after the error was spotted by an anonymous reader.)