Tuesday, June 26, 2012

A Guide For Asylum Seekers

IT HAS been apparent for a number of years that senior Phage editors neither know nor understand Melbourne. With that deficiency in mind, this map may help some of those responsible for their newspaper's sad decline to reach safe haven at the ABC's Southbank HQ, where Mark Scott must even now be fluffing the pillows on fresh desks and installing comfy sofas in senior executive offices.

Just follow the red line, comrades, as you have been doing for years.


  1. PhillipGeorge(c)2012June 26, 2012 at 10:27 AM

    I was a young man when other young men stood and applauded Robert Mugabe at LaTrobe University's Student Union. So many corpses under the bridge since then Prof.

    No doubt some of the wide eyed teary clapping seals in that room went on to Fairfax. I didn't clap. There wasn't a word in his speech that inspired nobility of mind. The single claim that a black man only could stand to represent the best outcome for black men was patently ridiculous but nearly universally accepted. Black people need black dentists, black lawyers, black parliamentarians, .....

    Its all so blandly antithetical to the claims of Jesus.

    There's a scene in Priscilla Queen of the Desert where one of those liberated queer folk just wants to go out all dragged up and get publicly bashed in masochistic joy. The white ants to western civilization are a varicoloured weave.

    Mugabe, Gaytopians, Justice champions, the frenzied swarm of planet saving pseudo science warm-mongers, the screw lose pantheists, the strangely fundamentalistic anti-fundamentalists.

    Prof, your few words "innovative sexuality" and "un-washable whites" triggered the reach, again, to the sublime. Truth is a bitter parchment to chew on at times.

    In all its irreducible complexity there is nobility of mind to aspire to, and clarity of vision to extol a path...

  2. Professor

    Your proposed route may be a little too close to James Packer's Crown Casino for some of the more bruised Fairfax flowers.

    Surely passage via the Australian Centre for Contemporary Art on Sturt Street and the Melbourne Recital Centre would be far less distressing?

  3. I do hope you've outlined a bicycle path there professor.

    It perplexes this bushies mind that the modern Green should choose to live and labour in the inner suburbs and city.
    Stand on the heights of Mount Ridley to the north and view the pollution of Melbourne.
    And this is the chosen place of the Greens!
    Is it natural selection at work?

  4. PhillipGeorge.

    Is it possible that attitudes at the Spencer Street Socialist towards Robert Bugame … sorry, Mugabe ….have changed?
    I note that in Ramadge’s valedictory yesterday he praised one of his scribes (Greg Baum) for an apologist obituary penned by Baum for Peter Roebuck.
    You may recall that Roebuck was a vocal opponent of Mugabe.
    Roebuck hasn’t said much on Mugabe (or anything) lately after SA Police visited him in his ninth floor hotel room in Cape Town to put allegations to Roebuck about misconduct with young men, upon which Roebuck entered a 75 foot guilty plea onto the hotel awning.
    Does this signal a dawning realisation at Fairfax that it might just be possible that there are “naughty black-fellas” abroad in the world?

  5. Elizabeth (Lizzie) B.June 26, 2012 at 1:31 PM

    As homing pigeons, in they will fly with the assistance of your thoughtful colour-coded mapping, Prof. These reality-challenged wordsmiths may be battle weary, but their greedy beady eyes are not yet dimmed. There is still succour for some in the comfortable embrace of that last fully-funded alphabetical leftoid hope.

  6. The Old and Unimproved DaveJune 26, 2012 at 3:28 PM

    If the Phage mob all go down the street at once, won't they be mistaken for some ratbag demo ?

  7. Sorry Prof: They won't make it because the route you suggested includes a sharp right turn.

    BTW Roebuck was not a Catholic!! Indeed it was "religion, politics and social opprobrium (that)conspired to shame him for desiring men,...... He might well have gone on to live a fruitful life as a ''kind'' and ''jovial'' man who performed genuine acts of charity for underprivileged kids, while keeping a male lover on the side". Ho! Hum!! Sexually motivated beating on bare buttocks excluded????