Sunday, February 19, 2012

Darren's Dirt

WITH the exception of the lookout on the Titanic, being recognised as the first to raise an alarm has generally been a very sound career move. Consider the sacred geese of ancient Rome, who upstaged the city's sleeping dogs by quacking a warning that barbarians with ladders were clambering up the Capitol's walls. For centuries thereafter the ceremonial first duty of every incoming censor was to budget for the welfare and feeding of those vigilant creatures' descendants.

Barbarians took up residence in Geelong quite some time ago,  so it is far too late to be raising alarms about the social engineers who infested large parts of the city with public housing and social workers ever ready to make excuses for the inhabitants' inclination to stab each other. Still, a goose is a simple-minded creature, and the notion that credit might be wrung from honking predictions of doom would appear to be hard-wired. Look no further than the suddenly talkative Darren Cheeseman, who is both the member for Corangamite and, as of last night, one of the first to go on record with the view that Prime Minister Gillard would do everyone a favour by stepping down. The fact that Cheeseman holds his seat of just 0.3%, one of the slimmest margins in the current House, probably had a little to do with his brave and sudden candour.

Maybe, just maybe, if he can be remembered as the voice of decency, he might, just might, win enough local respect to survive the next election. If that is Cheeseman's hope, a related wish must also be that voters' longer-term memories will prove faulty, as the man now sounding his klaxon about the sleaze, confusion and incompetence that have marked Gillard's leadership has a little dirty dealing of his own he must wish best forgotten.

In what was one of the most obscene efforts since public schoolboys ignored the Head of the River to cop their feels with gals from MLC, Genazano and Ruyton behind the trees beside the Barwon*, Cheeseman left some very nasty smears all over his 2010 Liberal opponent, Sarah Henderson. All the whispers dealt with Henderson's romantic history, and they were peddled with ruthless enthusiasm to anyone who would listen, most often with the advice that Cheeseman, by contrast, was the very picture of the faithful family man. At one point, according to the word in Liberal circles, the only thing that stopped the slurs being re-produced on the front page of a Melbourne newspaper was the pre-emptive threat of a massive defamation action against its editor. The paper backed off, but the slurs continued to circulate, as anyone prepared to do a little googling will quickly ascertain.

Cheeseman went on to take Corangamite by 700-odd votes. How many of those were garnered on the strength of that dirt campaign can never be known, but if Cheeseman is to be recognised for his consistency then his next round of comments about his current leader's inability to lead will also need to mention the musky aroma of Gillard's very own soiled sheets -- from ending the marriage of cabinet colleague Craig Emerson to that $17,000 Town Mode shopping voucher which the ne'er do well Bruce Wilson left on his young and naive doxy's dresser.

If Cheeseman has not been gagged overnight and stomped to a pulp by Gillard's enforcers, expect him to denounce her dubious liaisons. It is, after all, no less than you might expect of a brave, fearless and consistent goose.

UPDATE: Workers fearing for their jobs at Geelong's Ford and Alcoa plants might want to consult  their lopcal member's predictions of the wonderful things his current leader's carbon tax will do for employment. Not only will it save the planet, he says, but "the modelling" establishes that increasing employers' overheads will create more jobs. Tune to the 19.30 mark of the interview (below) to hear that gem of analysis and prediction.

 

24 comments:

  1. The Old and Unimproved DaveFebruary 19, 2012 at 12:28 PM

    "The sacred geese of ancient Rome ... by quacking a warning"

    Sure were educated geese, given that they could speak a foreign language.....

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    1. The invading Celts were silently questioning whether any sentry would hear their sneaking ingress when they heard a honking anser.
      (A little Latin joke.)

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  2. Darren and the Witch ? Sounds like a plot for a sit-com.....

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  3. Less than 800 votes. Cheesman's seat as well as I think about 7 others. While all politics is local and Chesman's slurs against La Henderson were probably effective my money's on "There will be no carbon tax under a govt I lead". If PM Gillard hadn't told that gobsmacking porky, or to put it the only other way, if she'd be honest and said she was going to implement a whole new tax, Corangamite would have gone to Henderson. She and the ALP must be punished at the polls. it is a wonder to me why an election isn't being canvassed. Just give us a fekkin' election already. Why isn't the GG getting off her boney ass?

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  4. Very droll, deadman. Of course it might also be said of Cheeseman that caseus has a lean and hungry look

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    1. The Old and Unimproved DaveFebruary 19, 2012 at 1:30 PM

      Britney Spears and other Hollywood starlets who frequently get out of cars in front of cameras would do well to adopt the Latin motto "Semper ubi sub ubi" ("Always Where Under Where").

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    2. Britney is renowned for her mons veneris, er, generous

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    3. I was thinking that the honourable man is a brutus; so are they all, all bruti.

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  5. Given your view of the Walkley's, Bunyip, I'm surprised that you have mentioned Sarah Henderson. She won Best Coverage of a Current Story (Television) in 1996 with 'Lynne's Story' working with the ABC (with Mike Swinson).

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    1. Your knowledge of Australian award nights is fascinating. Mike Swinson also won a Berlin Film Festival award in fact. Unfortunately this Labour Govt will never win one, due to an inability to classify their activities as comedy or tragedy.

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    2. The sight of a butterfly would surprise you Teach. And what's with all the Walkley stats?

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    3. Given "your view of the Bunyip", your continued appearances here can be interpreted as either self-promotion or spiteful (while vacuous) attempts to score some sort of debating point and discomfort him and others. Spoil the enjoyment, one might say.
      If you're so vain as to think you're actually adding value of any measurable kind, I have to say "no". Further contributions of your usual sort will confirm the motivation.
      Don't give in to the delusion that you're making any difference except for repeatedly beclowning yourself.
      In case you missed the point of the post it was not about Walkleys, and Hendersons's part in the story did not relate to the Walkleys. It has been established that whether someone wins one or not has not much to do with the real world.

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    4. Sit down - the dog's pissing on your swag..........

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    5. Very erudite there numbers.

      You should realise you are just a bitter and twisted irrelevance that the Toowoomba branch of the ALP use?

      They don't like you very much either.

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    6. Elizabeth (Lizzie) B.February 19, 2012 at 10:29 PM

      Nah, it's shat in your tucker-box again, Numbers. Bit shit sandwich coming up for your lot soon. Starts with R, ends with DD.

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    7. Oh put a sock in it 17, everyone knows you only go onto other blogs to start an argument and thereby taking everyone's eyes off the main article.

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  6. I'm surprised that legal threat made the Age drop the story about Henderson. Any slur is good enough for them.

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  7. Anonymous: It wasn't the Age (for once).

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  8. The large amount of welfare dependant, housing commission type deadbeats that have been getting dumped in a few suburbs south of the Barwon in recent years helped Cheeseman over the line, more than any slur on his opponent.

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  9. Can't wait for the story about Gillard and her union lover to emerge, once she is no longer in a position to block reportage.

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    1. Yes, there is a lot more to that story than meets the eye, now that we have seen her in action.

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  10. Ashes to Ashes,
    Dust to Dust,
    If Rudd dont get Gillard
    The voters must.

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  11. Speaking of outrageous slurs, I see that desparate slag Anna Bligh has bad-mouthed Campbell Newman (under cover of parliamentary privilege of course), asserting that Campbell is up for a stint in the Big House ... no evidence of course.
    The tame press gallery have been muted in their response ... "mumble ... poor judgement .... ill advised .... mumble".
    Why not corner this outrageous tart outside parliament and ask her a loaded "Do you believe Campbell Newman is guilty of criminal activity?" to which she will have to answer "No" .... then go for the jugular.

    If Abbott had said something like this they would be all over him .... hypocrites!!

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