A Dilemma

WOULD IT be better to play golf now in order make it back to the Billabong by Question Time or put off the excursion until nearer dusk, when Doctor Yowie thinks he will available for a quick nine? If  the Billabong employed staffers and spinners the matter would be easily settled. Like our PM, the decision could be left the sort of bright young things who have managed her excuses and affairs with such aplomb.

If Doctor Yowie were ever to be set upon by rioting associate members, for example, that would be all the staff's doing for spreading word that he recently told a sexist joke about the lady golfer with a too-wide stance who was stung by a bee between the first and second holes.

And if the Professor were to be grilled to the point of thin-lipped silence by the editor of the club newsletter, well that would be more of the staff's fault for agreeing to the interview. Yes, it's a true -- some weeks ago, when Victoria's children were still on school holidays, a ball was driven directly at four young, skylarking fools who refused to recognise their obligation to wave through faster parties composed of people who can actually play the game. The Professor would have no choice but to answer that he had played many rounds and encountered lots of fools but had no direct recollection of the incident, all the while skirting with lawerly language any responsibility for that killer stroke from the fourth tee. Golly, if things began to look really bad, it could even be claimed it was an aide-cum-caddy who did the deed when no one was looking.

And if that faux pas were to result in a committee inquiry, an investigation that might well lead to expulsion and disgrace, well it would be handy to employ staffers who could have a quiet a word with the secretary and president about dragging out the investigation for, say, three and a half years.

Well, that settles it. The time for golf is now. With all these "growing pains" our economy is encountering of late, increasing numbers of the unemployed are spending idle mornings and afternoons on the course. Don the spikes, clean the balls and post a notice on the pro shop's bulletin board, that's the shot!

Positions vacant, it will say, for those prepared to shoulder blame for the Professor's deficiencies of character.

There should be plenty of applicants, perhaps even some former Canberra residents with much expertise in these fields. It looks like quite a few of them will be looking for work very soon indeed.