Wednesday, September 28, 2011

How To Be As Smart As Wayne

BEEN behaving yourself lately? Not running up stupendous debts, tithing to a crackpot cult or turning the blind eye to the activities of your old mate, a brothel-creeping embezzler, who does you quite a few favours?

Yes, yes and yes? Well that’s just bonza, but surely you feel a little underappreciated now that Wayne Swan, who cannot answer in the affirmative to any of the above, has been honoured as The World’s Most Fantabulous Fiscaleer?

Don’t be down in the mouth because now you too can enjoy the recognition you deserve with a lovely, stainless steel facsimile Chippendale plate, just like the one that made Wayne the Wonder Treasurer’s day when he dropped in last week on the editors of the most influential magazine you did not know existed.

See, it is exactly like Wayne’s.

And all for just 32 quid, postage not included, from UK outfit! Look, it’s just like Wayne’s plate. Exactly like Wayne’s, actually. And in no time at all you will have the confidence to tell everyone on your street what they are doing wrong.

Impress your friends, enhance your mantelpiece, use it to awe the bank manager and extend that overdraft. Who knows when you might feel the need to splash some mad money on ceiling insulation, grace the backyard with a million-dollar shelter shed or a write lots of cheques to dead people and strangers at $900 apiece?

But wait, that’s not all! For the sort of union members' small change Craig Thomson leaves as a tip on the dresser you also get 20 characters of free engraving, enough (with two left over) in Wayne’s case to emblazon “Treasurer Of The Year”.

So if you want to add a pair of exclamation marks at the end of your inscription, go right ahead. They will certify an even greater authority than our acclaimed treasurer, and all for a fraction of the amount your bills will rise under Wayne and Julia's tax on carbon dioxide.


  1. If they spent 32 pounds on Swan they paid too much. If they paid 32 cents on Swan they paid far too much.

    Did you see Eric Ellis's attack on Hockey yesterday. The bloke has to be Bob's son, cause he manages to make out Hockey is a racist and Muslim hater. Have a look.

  2. anonymous,
    those two holiest cows grazing the borderless West and borderless Australia are Secularism and Darwinism.

    a priori for most, the outing of inverted racists and inverted xenophobes won't re-orientate anyone's moral compass.

    the cows are insensitive to such style

    [the 'Abolition of Man' again - was it the World's most important 20th Century essay?]

    if this doesn't make sense tomorrow's economics are just as vast a black hole of indiscretions as yesterdays - fait accompli - building desalination plants is evidence of an irreducible rut - a philosophical demise found nearly ubiquitous. Rain comes desalinated - but collecting it is un-natural. The pagans won, as did Wayne his prize.