Friday, July 5, 2013

Wally World

Everywhere you turn these days, Waleed Aly. He’s forming young minds at Monash, holding forth every afternoon on Radio National, gracing the opinion pages of the Fairfax press and forever available to occupy space on shows like Q&A if producers need a tame Muslim to explain why, when his co-religionists blow the legs off folks, it is no more than an irritation to be taken in our stride (allowing, of course, that lower limbs remain intact). To this roster of recognitions can now be added a seat on the board of the Australia Council, where it is to be hoped he will limit the furtherance of his career to nothing more energetic than playing the Prophet's innocuous little pal. This is a job that requires no more than a light beard and the capacity to insist with straight face that keeping your wife in a sack is very progressive and endearingly multi-culti.

If Wally actual decides to exert an influence on the arts, well that would not be good, not good at all, because the former host of SBS’s short-lived The Late Session apparently believes obscenity in the name of political partisanship is what a fine performance is all about.

On the show’s very first episode, one of the featured guests was singer Dan Kelly, a noxious weed who trades on better-known uncle Paul Kelly’s reputation, and who treated the audience to a little number called “Drunk on Election Night,” the sad tale of an inner-city hipster who resolves to quit the country after one of John Howard’s election victories. The lyrics feature a chorus that boils down to three words, “you co#^sucking moth#$%ucker”. SBS no longer has the performance available for viewing, but the song can be heard in its entirety below.

The Australian Council has already demonstrated a bizarre affection for a lady artist who diddles herself with a skinned rabbit, so what projects might Wally choose to advance? If he thinks language like Dan Kelly’s is fit for a mainstream audience, what on earth might he fund for the amusement of black-clad pseuds?

Investment advice: Go long on co#^sucking, moth#$%ucker bunny futures. There’s a good chance demand is about to soar.


  1. Also a regular panellist on 10's The Project - academic/opinionist/celebrity.

    Extremists don't represent all Muslims but we're supposed to believe that Waleed Aly does; as if he's got anything in common with the regular Mohammed living in the burbs of 'stralia.

  2. The Australia Council! Should be shut down along with the ABC. All they both do is promote left-wing loonie ideas, but at the taxpayer's expense.

    Loony ideas I can tolerate - the Greens are always amusing - but wasting my taxes on such ideas is disgusting

  3. Elizabeth (Lizzie) B.July 5, 2013 at 3:05 PM

    I'm guessing something to do with a bunny in a sack will be coming up soon for our aesthetic edification. Stands to reason, really. The artistic marriage of motifs and all that.

  4. Today's word boys and girls: taqqiya.

    Aly is the acceptable face of an unacceptable and unwanted presence in our society. Like Matthew Newton.

    Or Kevin Rudd.

  5. Oh, but he does: you see, Waleed has gone through his "fundamentalist" phase and is now in his more "nuanced" phase. He covers all bases, speaks well and is a great writer. Good thing too, a bright man with a double degree in Law and Engineering could have been a very irritating man had he stuck with his less enlightened thought processes.

  6. James In FootscrayJuly 6, 2013 at 12:58 AM

    You didn't mention the Project!

  7. 'Dan Kelly, a noxious weed who trades on better-known uncle Paul Kelly’s reputation'

    When he was first, err, 'on the scene', Dan made a big deal about wanting to be able to make it on his own without being known as Paul Kelly's nephew. He soon learnt, however, that it was his only asset!

  8. A possible solution with this over-exposed,multiple-dipping snout at the public tit Waleed Aly (isn't he a member of the muslim brotherhood mafia?)would be the following:

    He joins Ann Summers in her bed and whoopiee: killed two flies with one stroke:

    Summers would, as so many closet 50-shades-of-gray-readers, submit in delight and don a chador - hopefully the full catastrophe.

    The present Missus Waalid Aly would fall into the arms of Summers' young toy boy and take off her veil, thusly providing a little eye-candy for males (and females?) who like their women younger, prettier (if probably just as stupid as the older uglier ones).

    ....that still leaves a few problems unsolved...hmmmm thinking thinking thinkin...

  9. Bugger it ,Bunyip, this is what passes for creativity in the newly franchised inner city youth. Sometimes I forgive them , blaming the long march of the left through education and other times I have to nail down my boot, stuff my gob full of steak and spud and swallow hard.

    His lyrics should remind us all that the brain does not fully mature until 25.
    MT Isa Miner

  10. I think these boys are VERY confused about what the term "alpha male" represents.

    Alright, maybe he did veggie math as the teens I know call it. In other words no set theory and certainly no statistics. He wouldn't know what 1% let alone .01 of 23 million was even if it bit him on the bum! Then again, I couldn't sing on key to save the world from alien invasion so maybe we should call it a draw.