Monday, July 25, 2011

Animal Magnetism

WITH $25 million available to promote our PM’s carbon tax, the opportunities for gain are immense. Some smartypants PR consultant will already have cashed his or her government cheque for suggesting that dogs make adequate replacements for electric blankets, but there is much more largesse yet to be dispensed. That is the great thing about this government. No matter how deeply it pushes Australia into the red, its printers will always be standing ready to run off a pallet’s load of  fresh currency for the benefit and gain of its supporters. Just ask Annabel Crabb, whose contributions to the Drum (and other fora) could not have hurt her chances of landing what is reported to be a new gig as the resident wit on 7.30.

That is fine and dandy for Ms Crabb, but those Australians who are neither Maureen Dowd impersonators nor the beneficiaries of Mark Scott’s golden patronage need not despair! There is a cash a’plenty up for grabs, so don’t dally. Get yours before all the money is gone (and this government with it).

With the upcoming trout season raising thoughts of how nice it would be to fasten a new and expensive, seven-bearing reel to the Professor’s favourite rod, the following suggestions have been dispatched to Greg Combet, Minister for Fixing The Weather. The landing net will be kept handy to the letterbox, because this cheque is going to be a whopper.

Sustainable transport:
and the GT model….

Two-wheel aficionados have not been overlooked...

                And when the LaTrobe Valley is powered down, don’t despair


 After a night or two between the sheets with Rover and Spot, it will be time to do the washing in a sustainable way….


And for greedy Murray Darling irrigators, here's your new pump…

 As for pastoralists, they can cough up….

… or light up with this handy, four-legged power source for all green, book-in-bed reading needs (just make sure your sleeping companions are cattle dogs)

And when the next election comes due and Labor’s pollsters are reporting that alternate energy is no longer quite so popular, here’s the foundation of the Gillard government’s next budgetary pitch to the electorate…


  1. And by the way TimT, when journalists tweet they've just seen polticians in company of whoever dining at wherever is that creepy stalking too? If you want to see creepy stalking we can introduce you to some known stalkers on twitter who go so far as divulging private details online, ringing people at home and recounting their personal details, names of family members, employers etc as a way of intimidating them.

  2. What is it with professors and woolgathering? In 1966 I paid £5.9.6 for a Hardy Fly Weight reel. (Whence did a 24 year old ever get such loot?)
    One drum one spindle. It has never missed a beat and still sings bel canto when being stripped to incandescence. Line capacity can be a poser, but VIRTUOSITY trumps all. Gears and bearings be buggered. What next....Intel processors? Mr. Combet do not send this man any of our money.

  3. Clearly those who recommend you sleep with your dog, don't quite know how dogs smell, that they are not all habitual daily bathers, like the Greens... oh wait.

    On those reels, I am most impressed that they come with a personal leather case, lined with lambs wool. Now that's classy! I imagine trout would line up to be caught by a person in possession of such fine equipment.

  4. 1.


  5. The camel isn't going to work. Remember they're shooting all of them.