Wednesday, May 8, 2013

She's earned her crust

Attention, schoolchildren! Here is your guide to throwing sandwiches at our Prime Minister:

Not a pork german sandwich because she might take it as a command to have an affair with the Deutsch ambassador, who is probably a married man and therefore fair game.

Same with jerk pork, as the PM has enough recent follies on her mind without needing to be reminded of that home-wrecking fling with Craig Emerson.

Never a hundreds and thousands sandwich, because that would prompt unpleasant memories of the buttery words that accompanied so much waste for so little value. Also, it would bring to mind the sale price of a certain property in Kerr Street and the open questions concerning power-of-attorney forms, not to mention where all that stolen money came from.

Nothing on a baguette either, because the “ette” suffix is a sexist differentiation and might inspire the national embarrassment of another prime ministerial diatribe, this time devoted to the alleged misogyny of bakers.

Chicken? Nah… a reminder of that wonderful new ad.

Fish? Well flounder would certainly be appropriate, but not salmon, which develop very big noses, reveal themselves to be thoroughly red (with a bit of green about the gills) and die very soon thereafter, flapping impotently all the while. Also, salmon breed.

Doesn’t leave much, does it, except for a big, unfilled loaf? At least that will inspire happy thoughts of what Tim has not been up to over recent years


  1. When listening to that appalling bum lick session on Q and A this week I had a sudden flashback to my days in primary school during the 60s. There was always a "Little Johnny" who was occasionally good for a chuckle but most of the time was redundant. Generally he would be utterly inured to the terrors of corporal punishment at the hands of mere chalkies.

    "Where is "Little Johnny" to rescue the situation with the wand in the air and the "MiSS!MiSS!MiSS!?" to be followed by howls of outrage following the inevitable bombshell?" I lamented before switching off the wireless in disgust.

    Well it seems Marsden High is full of them and what a relief !!

    Well done kids - you do your generation proud!!

  2. Waste of a good sandwich. She already has enough egg on her face

  3. The Old and Unimproved DaveMay 8, 2013 at 7:00 PM

    You know, when the average punter hears the Prime Minister say anything these days, his instinctive reaction inadvertently quotes the Bible...

    "Jesus Christ! The same yesterday, today, and forevermore!"

  4. Maybe the young gentleman wanted her to cut his lunch? She has experience with that

  5. Someone on Tim Blair's blog suggested a baloney sandwich.

  6. Some women friends of mine suggested, "A Knuckle Sandwich" would have been more deserved. Of course I berated them for such homomysogyny.

  7. Craig Emerson:

    Craigie is a darling - once with Julia smitten,
    Now he's always at her side - just in case she's Vegimitten!

  8. Lap-Lap-Lollipop ;)

  9. mojo, Unrepentant YankMay 14, 2013 at 3:41 AM

    Deviled Ham and Peanut Butter.

    The Evil that sticks to the roof of your mouth.