Otherwise occupied until tonight

At Imperial Bearbrass the committee frowns upon antics such as these.

UPDATE: How do they manage to get such speed out of golf carts? Well here's a tip that will be useful for anyone contemplating a holiday on  Hamilton Island, where such vehicles are the only approved means of motorised transport: open the engine bay, find the carby and give the throttle-contol stop nut a few turns. The formerly sedate conveyance will then be able attain what must be about 40kph -- and more than that on a decent incline.

And here is another tip for those who roll their surreptitiously hotted-up golf sleds:

First, collect spilled passengers and severed limbs from ditches and roadside trees.

Second, return the stop nut to its original position.

Third, when the hire company desk jockey indicates you will be charged for damage, throw a pink fit and announce that you will be suing for damages, psychological trauma,  loss of conjugal rights (this happens immediately upon your companion striking the tarmac) and anything else that comes to mind.

Your holiday will end unencumbered by liens and with an apology packed in your suitcase.

Good Prime Ministers play golf

Tony Abbott and his friends are doing so well they were able to get by without a Bunyip's help this past week. Still, commando-fit as he is, he will need a brief spell of R&R before erasing the legacy of six years' misrule.

As therapy, the Professor can recommend the many fine golf courses around Echuca. Especially this one.

It is Rich River, just a few miles on the wrong side of the Murray. Even without 72 virgins per hole, it is as close to Paradise as you can get.

Tim Flannery, Enemy of Golf

AUSTRALIA produces some of the world's best golfers -- and some decidedly provincial tournaments.  Big stars need to be dragged out here, often with a hefty dollop of taxpayer cash as an inducement, and the standard of their play is often less than inspiring. The weekend just past, though, no complaints. It was worth quitting the blogface for a few days to follow the action at Kingston Heath, which was a verdant testament to the skills and dedication of the grounds staff.

The final day's round was nothing short of inspiring. Adam Scott drove like a demon, sank putts that defied belief and made mockery of bunkers that are some of the most formidable sources of misery ever dropped on a course anywhere in the world. He won, as we all know, and what made his victory even more laudable, apart from overcoming the lead Ian Poulter took into the final day, was that the Englishman was in tournament-winning form himself.

For those not interested in golf, a little bit of intelligence of a more specific nature: While chatting this afternoon with the president of the club where The Professor plays most often, the poor fellow became quite defensive when it was noted that the fairways are in worse nick than at any time in recent human memory.

"Don't blame me," he retorted, immediately fingering Tim Flannery as the culprit.

It seems that all the talk of Australia being plunged into perpetual drought inspired a decision some years ago to seed the fairways with a variety of kikuyu grass which does well in the heat. Unfortunately we have not had too much of that over the last few years.

As the president explained it, this particular grass needs a ground temperature of 22 degrees in order to thrive. So far, the highest reading has been 18 degrees, and this has meant divots aren't repairing themselves, growth is slow and the course looking very sad indeed.

Flannery! You wouldn't shout "fore!" if he ambled in front of your tee. No way.



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Karolygate Set Aside

MELBOURNE is turning on one of its gloriously wondrous spring days, so golf is compulsory. Further examinations of the Karolygate emails will be posted as 18 holes, dinner, a bottle or two and an indolent Bunyip's inclinations allow.

Back later.

Thwack!

THE sun is out, global warming is regaining lost ground -- and the first tee beckons.

Back after 9 holes to process comments and watch the Mau Mau and the Mormon.

Meanwhile, be amazed:

The Woop-Woop Whack

OFF to have a little game of golf on a bush course where players place their green fees in an honesty box and the local rules allow a drop without penalty if your ball bounces off a kangaroo and into the rough.

Someone should produce a coffeetable book on Australia's bush courses. Here, for example, is Coober Pedy's answer to St Andrews:

That's a sand green held together with sump oil. The next tee is the little patch of Astroturf in the foreground at the lower left.

PGA pro Craig Hocknull demonstrates some other bush-bred talents:

An old joke says that holding a one iron one above your head will always keep you safe in a lightning storm. Not even God can hit a one iron, you see. Hocknull can not only swing one, he can pick off cans dangling on strings. Remarkable.

Whack!

OFF TO play golf, which usually wins.

Back later. Who knows? We might have a new PM by then.

Going To The Greens -- All 18 Of Them

DOUBLE BOGEY DADDY is waiting, also Doctor Yowie and Schmik Rick with his flash new clubs. Off to the golf course, where a glorious Melbourne day will be celebrated with an under-90 round. That's the intention, anyway.

Back later.

UPDATE: And the score? Methuselah had fewer candles on his cake than the tally of strokes on the Professor's card. This one will not be lodged with the handicapper. Definitely not. If you need another reason to despise the Greens, all those trees on golf courses would be it. Actually, they weren't just trees, they were Ents, capable of shuffling in front of an innocent drive and swallowing it whole.Bloody Bob Brown.

Wedge Issues

THE RAIN has stopped in Melbourne and, no doubt thanks to climate change, the weather is tolerably warm for once.So what to do? Share some thoughts about Clive Hamilton's latest foolishness, report on another passion of one of Al Gore's most ardent Australian disciples? Commend our very own Six Million Dollar man or his latest, publicly funded achievement?

Nah, not this arvo. Save those for later. Doctor Yowie is keen to mount the first tee and the Professor, for want of anything else to mount, is happy to give him grasp why big hitters seldom beat consistent chippers.. So off to the golf course it is and, after that, to the 'Gee, where the Western Bulldogs will doubtless help St Kilda regain its confidence by taking the field and allowing themselves, as usual, to be thrashed and humiliated..

More posting later tonight or tomorrow. In the meantime, do make a point to check out Gerard Henderson's weekly Media Watch Dog, which should be going up very shortly and is always worth reading..

Whack!

NOT to boast, but 94 strokes for 18 holes is a very creditable performance for a Bunyip. Watch out, Tiger.

Swingers' Party

THE science is settled. Ill-hit golf balls sink just as readily in the Murray as they do in water hazards further to the south. Back late tomorrow. Probably.