Tuesday, February 14, 2012

A Dilemma

WOULD IT be better to play golf now in order make it back to the Billabong by Question Time or put off the excursion until nearer dusk, when Doctor Yowie thinks he will available for a quick nine? If  the Billabong employed staffers and spinners the matter would be easily settled. Like our PM, the decision could be left the sort of bright young things who have managed her excuses and affairs with such aplomb.

If Doctor Yowie were ever to be set upon by rioting associate members, for example, that would be all the staff's doing for spreading word that he recently told a sexist joke about the lady golfer with a too-wide stance who was stung by a bee between the first and second holes.

And if the Professor were to be grilled to the point of thin-lipped silence by the editor of the club newsletter, well that would be more of the staff's fault for agreeing to the interview. Yes, it's a true -- some weeks ago, when Victoria's children were still on school holidays, a ball was driven directly at four young, skylarking fools who refused to recognise their obligation to wave through faster parties composed of people who can actually play the game. The Professor would have no choice but to answer that he had played many rounds and encountered lots of fools but had no direct recollection of the incident, all the while skirting with lawerly language any responsibility for that killer stroke from the fourth tee. Golly, if things began to look really bad, it could even be claimed it was an aide-cum-caddy who did the deed when no one was looking.

And if that faux pas were to result in a committee inquiry, an investigation that might well lead to expulsion and disgrace, well it would be handy to employ staffers who could have a quiet a word with the secretary and president about dragging out the investigation for, say, three and a half years.

Well, that settles it. The time for golf is now. With all these "growing pains" our economy is encountering of late, increasing numbers of the unemployed are spending idle mornings and afternoons on the course. Don the spikes, clean the balls and post a notice on the pro shop's bulletin board, that's the shot!

Positions vacant, it will say, for those prepared to shoulder blame for the Professor's deficiencies of character.

There should be plenty of applicants, perhaps even some former Canberra residents with much expertise in these fields. It looks like quite a few of them will be looking for work very soon indeed. 


  1. Gee, those Canberran chanticleers, who can foresee so much, the demise of one leader and the promotion of another and who not only can foresee what another leader will say, but what the result will be.

    I dips my lid to these oracles. I wonder what else they can see coming? Something that is obvious to sensible folk who read this blog.

  2. When the much-vaunted "new economy" starts up we'll all be off playing golf since there'll be stuff-all else going on.

  3. Stung by a bee?

    In the rough or the fairway?

  4. Yes your honour, patient came in for a knee replacement but had a sex change by accident. My secretary told the theatre bookings the wrong thing, I didn't find out til 2 days afterwards even though I chatted to the patient several times the next day, my nurse said I did it deliberately then changed her mind after we chatted then said I did do it deliberately after all.

    So I should be able to keep my job as head of surgical services with no further investigation or repercussions whatsoever, right?


  5. Nic. None so blind as those who will not see.

  6. Elizabeth (Lizzie) B.February 14, 2012 at 5:30 PM

    Dear Professor Bunyip,

    In reply to your recent advertisement, I would offer my useful and tested services in the matter of your public relations, but sadly I am busy shouldering the blame and controlling the damage for another's multitude of indiscretions. As these misadventures and mistakes take place closer to home (the culprit, in fact, being in residence), I feel contractually bound. I trust you will understand that my monitoring of the culprit's domestic and peripatetic capacity to cause chaos has priority for the sake of the home front.

    Nevertheless, several sources tell me that applications from flocks of nubile (female even!) and recently unemployed political flacks from Canberra will soon flood your way. You can select the best from this inundation of protective assistance as you struggle valiantly to maintain the highest of golfing standards and traditions. The cavalry (cavalrette?) is on its way. One young chap, well blooded in the game and newly dismissed for taking one for the team, may be considering your ad as I write.

    Lizzie B.

    ps. The sensitive sort of female flack may require a premium on salary to deal with the sting of some of Dr. Yowie's jokes.

  7. Golf.
    You need to ask?
    Oh, and do not waste time with four,skylarking young fools.
    There are far more rewarding targets .
    Skulling (literally) a hole in one involving almost any of our current crop of Labor pollies would absolve you of all the usual bar obligations for such a feat.

  8. I thought there's implied sexism when the Opposition in the House kept yelling out to Gillard, "Show us your surplus". Cheeky buggers!