Saturday, February 25, 2012

Ginger Up Gillard's Base*

CRAZY Clive Hamilton's yearning to see ATO auditors unleashed on climate noncomformists is a pretty low notion, about as foul a tactic as those accusations of incest and child abuse so often filed with authorities by estranged wives. It is also dangerous -- call it MAD, Mutually Audited Distraction -- as a Billabong correspondent demonstrated this morning by suggesting in a private email that the tactic might just as easily by turned against warmists.

"Why not start dobbing your favourite in to the ATO?" he wondered. "The revenuers should be making their lives miserable, instead of harassing small business owners like me." The flaw in that plan is that if, say, you informed the ATO that some or other settled scientist had been pocketing grant money or directing it to mates, if would be, for want of evidence, a filthy lie. Yes, it would be entertaining to think of some nob in a white coat attempting to persuade an auditor that his adjusted and normalised modelling of expenses and deductions is even more valid than a shoebox of actual receipts, but it is a pleasure conservatives must deny ourselves.

After all, we are about probity and truth, not the base enjoyment of another's pain, no matter how corrupt, dishonest and contemptible that person might be, nor how richly the torment might be deserved.

And if readers do not  heed the Professor's sermon, please do not inform the Billabong. It is a very uncomfortable thing to to be gripped simultaneously by laughter and revulsion.

There is, though, one little mischief which is ethically sound: Readers who believe, as does the Professor, that Gillard is the Coalition's best hope of a landslide might want to call local MPs and urge them to stick with Gingerella. Some vegetable representing Mt Druitt was just on Sky News to talk about the volume of calls he has received and the great weight he places on his constituents' sincere counsel.

So why not speak truth to power and pass on your firmly held belief that Gillard must be retained for the benefit of the nation?

It would be true and accurate and not even a venial sin, because a PM bogged to her Christmas ham thighs in questions about Craig Thomson, Tony Hodges and all those other lies and scandals is the surest agent to bring about an Abbott government. And there can be no doubt that such a change would be in the country's very best interests.

The full list of Labor members can be found here.

ADVISORY: It is a hot, hot day in Melbourne, and the Little Lorikeet has just called to see if the Professor is up for a swim. Absolutely! After that, dinner by the water and perhaps, if things stay torrid, a moonlit visit to the mooring. Amazing the friends one can make on the strength of a little advice about keeping the feet an appropriate distance apart.

Back later.

* Ginger should have better taste


  1. "... bogged to her Christmas ham thighs ..."

    Classic Bunyip!

    1. Seconded.
      Also "attempting to persuade an auditor that his adjusted and normalised modelling of expenses and deductions is even more valid than a shoebox of actual receipts" is taking the piss to an artful degree.
      Love your work Prof.

    2. Thanks a lot. :-(
      I used to always look forward to my Christmas ham.

    3. Careful Prof!
      I am sure Castlemaine Hams will consulting their lawyers as we speak.
      Who would want their product associated with the ginger-nut after all?

      The Irish Lion

  2. For those Labor supporters, who are more endowed with thinking matter, and don't call their local Conservative MP to support Kevin O'Lemon, this website will even tell you what to say on the phone, if your a bit 'gun' shy!
    It goes like this:
    - Hello
    - Hi my name is ____ and I'd like to leave some feedback for Mr/Ms ___ regarding the leadership dispute.
    - Okay! What would you like to say?
    - I feel that Mr/Ms ____ should support Rudd/Gillard because ____
    - Okay I'll pass that along, is there anything else I can do for you?
    - No thanks, bye!
    - Bye


  3. Mt Druitt! Let's not condemn ALL bogans. One could be your Dear Leader.


  4. I'm talking only of the vegetable MHR, not his poor constituents. In any case, if he is your typical Labor member, he will live somewhere nicer -- and you can bet his kids don't go to Mt Driutt's culturally diverse public schools.

    1. He is not quite typical - for now. He is the Muslim ALP member who has what was once the highly prized (by party insiders hoping to be helcoptered in) safe seat of Chifley, once centred at Blacktown.

  5. I too am appalled Professor!
    This tactic suggested by Clive could be applied to all sorts of (semi) innocent bystanders.
    For example, “chuggers” (charity muggers) who accost people in the street to garner donations for their favourite charitable cause could be caught up in this sort of vigilante action.
    My nephew Tarquin is engaged in such activity in that he collects a commission to tout for a particular charity - no names, but he wears a koala suit - and is also in receipt of a government stipend. I am unsure how he qualifies – presumably “Feckless Indolence” has now been classified by Centrelink as a disability.
    Collectors for registered charities must carry identification so it is a simple matter to establish their name. All that remains is to jot down the name and call the ATO to inform them, for example, that “Kelvin Koala and Benjamin Bandicoot are simultaneously in receipt of income from, say, Greenpeace/Wilderness Society and a government funded AbStudy/NewStart/FalseStart/Disability Pension/Dole, whatever”
    I would hate to see Tarquin entrapped by such vigilantes and have to spend time in the Big House ….. no really …. I wouldn’t like to see that at all.

    The Irish Lion

    1. It could also apply to Members of Parliament who manage,in the space of two terms,to go from being brokes with the arse out of their trousers and holes in their shoes to not only acquiring a taste for high priced antiques,waterfront mansions and other trappings of wealth but actually acquiring impressive portfolios of same.

    2. Elizabeth (Lizzie) B.February 26, 2012 at 6:56 PM

      Another excellent roar from the Irish Lion. How cheering that little Tarquin is the apple of the Lion's avuncular eye. As popular wisdom now suggests, boys do so much need a mentor these days.

  6. Way ahead of you Professor. I emailed my soon-to-be-a-pro-bono-lawyer-again MHR and urged her to endorse the yabbie. Her seat is on the list of those that would be saved by a change to Rudd, so she has a difficult decision to make.

    Pesonally, I think that she is screwed either way and I couldn't care less.

  7. GINGER UP GILLARD'S BASE. And do tell Professor, how knowledge of this rather intimate detail came into your possession.

  8. Christmas ham thighs. Ouch!

  9. Prof, I found this elsewhere and thought you might like a larf.

    Payback for the 'Christmas ham thighs' and 'presumably “Feckless Indolence” has now been classified by Centrelink as a disability' from TIL.

  10. " is a pleasure conservatives must deny ourselves.

    After all, we are about probity and truth, not the base enjoyment of another's pain..."

    Disagree Professor. That is a Christian worldview, not a secular conservative one. Conservatives merely borrow it when it suits them. Remember - many conservatives supported the invasion of Iraq even after the evidence was in.

    1. "Remember - many conservatives supported the invasion of Iraq even after the evidence was in."

      Do you remember that? Do you also remember past lives or alien visitations too?

      Bet you don't remember 1991 when Bob Hawke was first leader on the phone to the US President to offer Australian military support for the Iraq War. Or Gough Whitlam's man Richard Butler's 1990's global campaign against Saddam's WMD, which he insists he 'held in his hands'?

    2. So what's your point? Did I mention anything about the Left? Did the Bunyip? No. We were talking about conservatives.
      When you played football bruce, did you attack the ball or the man?

  11. "many conservatives supported the invasion of Iraq even after the evidence was in."

    The invasion of Iraq was not primarily or secondarily supported by the WMD intelligence. That's simply leftist revisionism to shield themselves from the inconvenient fact that they also supported the invasion.

    1. Thanks for proving the point Jack. Nice revision of both the war and the left.

  12. I don’t normally do web references but readers should really have a look at the link below and, especially, some of the readers’ comments.

    It’s an account of how a four year old at school doodles a picture of “her Daddy” holding a gun. When the dad comes after school to pick the child up he’s arrested, taken away in handcuffs, strip searched and locked up. Meanwhile, the wife is also picked up, taken for questioning, the house is searched and all their children taken into care.

    For the punch-line, read the full article in Canada’s National Post:

  13. No point me doing it Prof.

    My local Member is the honourable Toxic Dwarf herself, Ms Nicola Roxon.

    I've probably sent her office 10 to 15 very polite emails and letters in the last 3 years, pointing out some obvious errors in the guvmint' she consorts with, but no response. Not one. Not a single solitary response can be had for the good member for Gellibrand [Inner western Melbourne for those outer staters].

    I doubt that Nicola has been seen in these parts for years; decades even. In fact, I sometimes wonder if Ms TD has ever even ventured west of the Maribyrnong (and if she has, she surely lives in a Cocoon).

    1. You think you have it tough, Anon.? My federal member is that carpet-bagging rug-seller, Andrew Wilkie.

  14. Dear Crowd,

    I haven't used illicit substances for the purposes of mood hightening for many years.

    I am sure I will get torn to shreds by my co participants in this group therapy session if I am la-la-ing on this one. Numbers is sure to fillet me, horrid conservative that I am. I grow unsteady even as I write this. Let me start over.

    Hi, My name is Mark and I am a workoholic.
    I dont have time to take notes as the ship of state sinks. I am too busy with my University and my day job;

    My hallicinations probably began when I heard the phrase "She is the smartest guy in the room" on the Bolt Report. Was it like "Rolled Gold" from Kevin?

    I am aware of the phenomena whereby a catch phrase is repeated, woefully out of context, because it sounds cool, but surely only teenagers do this ?

    Sad though it surely is, Bolta on 10 is the only TV I have time to see but " The smartest guy in the room !! " ? ENRON any one ? Or should I be looking around for the caterpillar on the mushroom smoking the pipe ?

    Still, by then, I was laughing so hard maybe it was an endorphin thing. Either way I was non compis. Albo's silly "Geophysisist of no consequence".

    In these strange times none can trust thier sanity. (Therse a sp. for you numbirs - go your hardist)

    I guess I better get back to Kalgoorlie and continue to bust rocks leaving the brightest and best to run this country of ours (thiers). No one will notice my lapse into a florid delusional state back there.