Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Vodaf***ked II

THE Professor brought the meat so the Rufous Bird could demonstrate her range last night, when the corkscrew was also put to good use. The consequence this morning has been a late and head-sore start, which would have been even later if not for Double Bogey Daddy’s call to inquire why a tardy Bunyip was not on the first tee, as promised. Apologies were mumbled, the foursome became a threesome and the quest for restored wellbeing, which began on a hopeful note with a double dose of Berocca, soon took a bleak turn when the computer was fired up.

What is this? Yet another note from Vodafone, the latest in an ongoing series of monthly demands for payment of oversize and incorrect bills. Get on the phone. Wait. Waste 20 minutes attempting to make sense of what some thickly accented wretch in Bangalore is saying. This incoherence prompts a demand to speak with her supervisor, whose accent is even thicker. No, he swears, this is the plan Bunyip Sahib is on – a line he refuses to abandon even after being quoted the contract number. As to Vodafone’s appalling service, the dropped calls,  stalled emails and digitised gibberish which so often interrupts conversations, the supervisor’s suggested solution is that the Professor switch to an even more expensive plan.

At the very point when Australia’s reputation amongst Indians for harsh words, anger and intolerance was about to be considerably expanded, the line went dead. Stone cold, motherless dead.

It was then that Vodafone’s evil genius became apparent: The mobile phone company deliberately refuses to improve its service in order to foil anyone who uses it to contact the billing department. It can be the only explanation for the company’s policy of elevating incompetence to a virtue.

It used to be Telstra which brought the world to the Professor’s ear. After today’s episode, at least the sixth exercise in frustration, it soon will be again

If none of the above is enough to dissuade potential customers from signing up with Vodafone, consider another of the company's idiocies: It supports the Australian Youth Climate Coalition.


  1. At the end of an hour long "conversation" with a subcontinental phone jockey.

    Operator: "Have I resolved your enquiry satisfactorily"

    SD: "You have beaten me into submission with your inability to grasp simple logic to the point where any further argument is pointless. I am satisfied that reolution to my issue is impossible"

  2. Prof - you'll have to give up either golf or Vodafone - not enough time for both. Of course I think the support for the teenyboppers climate groupthink should indicate the choice.


  3. The Old and Unimproved DaveFebruary 22, 2012 at 11:38 AM

    You can't hang up on a customer, but as any call centre operator will tell you, unfortunate things can happen when one tries to transfer a call to a manager or a resolution officer.

    "Just one moment while I transfer you.....ooooooops, buzzzzzzzz......

  4. Hate to break the news to you Bunyip about Climate Change and Telstra sponsorship:

    "Telstra is a proud supporter of the 1 Million Women campaign, which is an Australian initiative encouraging the sign-up of one million women to change activities in their lives and households, to affect climate change and cut one million tonnes of CO2 pollution."

    I'm with Optus and they support Earth Hour! Its all marketing hype I'm afraid...

  5. For Bunyip's sake, don't do it. Jumping from one frying pan to the next is no solution professor. There are many other telcos around these days - give them a try. Besides, principal counts for nothing if it is deserted as soon as the going gets swampy. The Latin for that would be 'nihlio principia ex swampia'.

  6. More importantly, how was the meal? Spectacular, yes?

  7. As an ex victim of vodafail, I jumped ship 6 months ago and went to the great satan that is Telstra. sure they are evil but their coverage is great, I've yet to have a billing fail and I can deal with them almost exclusively on the internet.

  8. Magic words:

    Telecommunication Ombudsman.

    Usually gets people of the telecommuncation industry alert and snapping to attention.

    1. kae
      I'm with virgin mobile, pay no monthly fee only for calls I make, (I think this plan is no longer available) the service is great, no overcharged bills.
      Pay for Virgin wireless internet when I need it to overcome problems with tpg, my current ISP, very seldom have to say, while I loath the man at the top I can't say anything bad about the service.

  9. Very true, Kae. After about a year of failing to resolve a dispute with Telstra, I resorted to the TI. That produced direct phone and email links to a senior staffer who resolved all problems in my favour after about 3 quick phone calls. Six months' later, another spurious bill appeared. One more brief phone call to the staffer was all that was needed to end that.
    From the lessons learned, I would resort to smoke puffs, signal flags and bells rather than ever enter into a contract with Telstra again.

  10. Reply doesn't seem to work for me here sometimes.
    Hi Lou Mac, long time no see! Wouldn't go with the other carriers there's no service here with many of them!

    Skeeter, Hi! Will stay with Telstra 'cos of the excellent coverage. Am usually very careful with them, got my iPhone free but had to fight twice with them for it - TIO helped a lot. Bull stuff ups for three months!