Thursday, October 27, 2011

The Age's Sward Of Justice

MELBOURNE'S Occupists must be feeling most unloved these days, having been evicted from the City Square and finding themselves with no particular place to go. Treasury Gardens is mooted as one possible site on which to build a just society, albeit a small and stinky one, but the campers would be preaching only to the converted. As the original Occupists, the park's possums have long presumed the right to invade private property, keep residents awake and crap in their ceilings. As for public servants from the adjoining government offices, they need no convincing that wealth is to be left in a citizen's care only until the state can manufacture its next excuse for additional levies, taxes, fines and speed cameras.

But there is one place the Occupists are welcome  -- the patch of grass outside The Age office at the corner of Collins and Spencer streets. Best of all, the invitation to relocate is almost an official one, courtesy of senior investigative reporter Melissa Fyfe, who is all for it, as she explained to tweeting activist Perry Stalsis (who surely has the stomach for revolution):
Perry Stalsis: @melfyfe been trying to move #occupymelbourne to grass outside Age office, where we can be seen and reach commuters. Your thoughts
15 hours ago
in reply to @PerryStalsis1 ↑
Melissa Fyfe:@PerryStalsis1 a good idea, I would have thought. Do you think you can do it?11 hours ago
Blow off the Treasury Gardens, you anti-capitalist crusaders, and move to the Age's front door. As Fairfax shareholders can testify, your hosts share a no less pronounced aversion to the profit motive. And it is not as if Age journalists would be critical, not at all.With just one exception, they love you guys.

Melbournians would benefit as well. Could there be a better example of what the paper represents these days than a filthy, chaotic, noisy and incoherent mob of group-thinking public urinators taking up residence in The Age's front window?

(Thanks to tipster Spencer Collins for spotting the tweets and dashing off a very informative email)


  1. Good ol' PerryStalsis might well have been "trying to move", for it would appear he's full of it.

    But Melissa's "do you think you can do it" surely is a little pessimistic given the obvious success of such previous movements in the Square.
    She is no doubt hoping Perry's smell of success for a job well done will soon be wafting into the Age's atrium.

  2. How sweet.

    The Occupy kids have a corporate sponsor :)

  3. Fair go, Prof. I have to catch the rattler next door and don't want my olfactory senses obliterated by the stench of grubby hippies as I race past to the platform.

  4. I'm sorry, but the idea of The Age's young derro online audience taking up residence on the front lawn outside is overflowing with gorgeous schadenfreude. Having been sodomised by Google Adsense and waving superciliously as its real estate advertising walked out the front door, The Age can now farewell the remaining corporate advertisers still buying space as they realise around half of its consumers are penniless hippies who failed toilet training.

  5. What a great idea!1 They will even have toilets and showers provided by their hosts and no need for tents: the foyer will do.

    A win for everybody!

  6. "Perry Stalsis"?

    Peristalsis is how the food you shove in your piehole eventually comes out your butt.

    It is also how earthworms get about.


  7. Richard of Kenthurst NSWOctober 28, 2011 at 1:35 PM


    And in Sydney they can camp outside the office of the Socialist Morning Herald.